


A Day in the Life of Richie Tozier

by haders



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Famous, Famous Richie Tozier, Fluff, M/M, Netflix special, Paparazzi, Reddie, Reddie has a dog, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is famous, a goldendoodle, day in the life, doodle, no one died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haders/pseuds/haders
Summary: Richie Tozier films a day in the life vlog for Netflix to promote his upcoming comedy special.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 15
Kudos: 473





	A Day in the Life of Richie Tozier

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a script/transcript like this before, so sorry if it is all over the place. It wasn't beta'd.
> 
> FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR @HADERSZ

[The camera is shaking as it spins around to show Richie Tozier, dressed in an acid wash band t-shirt. His hair is mussed, glasses askew. He’s in bed, the wooden headboard behind him. His arm stretches up and the angle shifts with his movement.]

**Richie:** Morning, losers! Netflix wanted me to do this _Day in the Life of Richie Tozier_ video blog shit. Sorry, _vlog._ [he snorts] I’m old. Whatever. I don’t know why anyone would care about my life. It’s not that interesting— [pause] but you know what _is_ interesting? My Netflix special and _Trashmouth Tour!_ Get ‘yer tickets, folks. I’m sure there is a link somewhere. 

[He points around the screen before rubbing a hand over his face.]

**Richie:** [grumbling] I’m so old… Anyways, shoutout to whoever is editing this, by the way. I have been told that I overshare, so hopefully I don’t include anything _indecent…_ Not actually sure how to delete anything on this thing.

[Richie is interrupted by a tiny bark. The camera angle changes to show a small bundle of fur. A golden doodle puppy is pouncing on the white duvet. A hand comes from into frame to playfully push over the pup and give them a belly rub.]

**Richie:** This is my daughter. Darla. Named after that spitfire in _The Little Rascals_. You know the one. Crushes a can with her bare hand at like— five or some shit. [Darla goes to nip at Richie’s fingers and latches on.] She’s hypoallergenic, which was a must from my hypochondriac hubby. [whispers] He’s not even allergic to dogs. 

[Darla yelps and Richie echoes the noise.]

**Richie:** But she’s cute so I guess it’s fine. We got her a few months ago and it was definitely not my job to potty train. I’m trying to teach her to speak and play dead and all the cool tricks… Like insult the neighbors or go on press tours for me.

[Richie shakes his hand free and Darla jumps up and off the bed, running toward the door in front of the bed. The camera follows her until it lands on two pairs of dress shoes. The camera pans up slowly on Eddie, dressed in a suit for work, standing in the doorway.]

**Richie:** [announcer voice] Ladies and gents and everyone in between, introducing the love of my life, the spaghetti man, the man of every hour, the—

**Eddie:** Rich, shut up.

**Richie:** [groaning] Ngh, how am I so lucky? 

**Eddie:** [flushing] Nice of you to get up this morning. [He bends down to pick up Darla, who was circling his feet.] What time is your meeting?

**Richie:** [continues to pan up and down Eddie’s body] Meeting? What meeting? 

**Eddie:** Eyes are up here, asshole. People don’t want to see me, they want to see _you_. 

**Richie:** They want to see a day in my life. This _is_ a day in my life. [The camera stops on Eddie’s face as he pets Darla, now zooming in and out of the static shot.] I wake up at too-early o’clock to watch you get ready in that sexy suit. And then you leave me alone with my dirty thoughts and I have a little quality time with—

**Eddie:** [rushes forward and covers the camera with his hand.] We talked about this, asshole. 

**Richie:** Quality time with Darla. Get your head out of the gutter, Eds. [There is a beat. The camera is uncovered and is angled toward Eddie kissing Richie.]

**Eddie:** [breaking off] I’m late. Coffee’s on. I’ll see you tonight? [His forehead resting against Richie’s.]

**Richie:** [gasping] Spoilers! [Eddie huffs and moves away. Richie catches his hand and pulls him back for another quick peck.] Love you.

**Eddie:** [moving away] Love you, too. See you later. [Richie yanks him back in.] Rich! [The camera is thrown to the other side of the bed face up.] Ugh, gross, brush your teeth. 

[The shot of the ceiling continues with muffled laughing until the camera is turned off.

The next shot opens with a man typing at a desk, Richie’s converse-clad feet propped up on the other side.]

**Man:** [exasperated] Are you even listening to me?

**Richie:** [to the man] Nope. [to the camera] On most days I meet with Steve, my manager. Logistical bullshit that my tiny brain can’t comprehend. When and where to go, who to talk to for this, that, blah blah. [The camera turns to show Richie’s face.] He even got me a posing coach. Y’know, so I know what to do with my hands when I pose on the red carpets. 

**Steve:** [off camera] Jennifer got you that trainer, not me. [Camera pans to a woman sitting in the chair next to Richie with a tablet in her lap. She’s already waving to the camera, but not looking away from her work.]

**Richie:** Jennifer is my publicist. Poor woman. [shaking his head]

**Jennifer:** It’s not all bad. 

**Steve:** [off camera] Yeah, she has a lot to put up with. Don’t we all. 

**Richie:** [The camera zooms in on Jennifer, who is still typing away.] This is the one responsible for making me do this horrible v-log. The minutes, nay, _hours_ of their lives that people won’t be able to get back.

**Jennifer:** Oh hush. It’s one day. I could have had a camera crew follow you around. [Richie gasps]

**Steve:** Rich. [camera turns to face Steve again.] You ready to listen to me now?

**Richie:** [fake sniffle] You wound me. [Steve’s eyes roll.] Yeah I’m ready. 

[Scene cuts. Opens again to Richie walking down a street, squinting at the sun in his eyes, pulling a baseball cap on his head. He’s talking in a bad Australian accent.]

**Richie:** Aah, a celebrity in his natural habitat. [voice normal] I was never good at that accent. Anyways, after a gruesome meeting with the people who make me look good, now I have a few hours to spare. Normal people might take this time to go to the gym or call their family, grocery shop, or— I don’t know what people do. 

[Richie stops walking and sits down at a table. There is a fountain behind him and children running by. Presumably a park.]

**Richie:** But me? I get separation anxiety and meet Eddie at his work for lunch. [Camera pans to Eddie next to him on the bench of the picnic table; he’s on his phone. Richie’s pointer and middle finger walk up Eddie’s shoulder and poke at his cheek to get his attention.] He’s okay with it, I think. 

**Eddie:** [locking his phone and putting it away] ‘Course I am. 

**Richie:** [pinching Eddie’s cheek] You’re so cute, I can’t help myself!

**Eddie:** [swatting his hand away and rubbing his cheek] Asshole. 

**Richie:** Tell the people at home what you _choose_ to do for a living! 

**Eddie:** [suspicious] Are you fucking with me? 

**Richie:** It’s a part of your life and you are a part of my life. Why not? 

**Eddie:** [hesitant] I’m a risk analyst.

**Richie:** [encouragingly] C’mon, tell them _what_ you do.

**Eddie:** Well, I work for a big insurance firm and I— [The camera tilts. Richie’s snoring.]Can’t believe I fell for that again! [Eddie’s smacking Richie’s shoulder, who snorts as he “wakes up.”]

**Richie:** Wuh, huh? [Camera readjusts to focus on Eddie.] Oh, sorry. Must have dozed off a bit there. [Eddie takes the camera and redirects the shot to face Richie.] Everyone tell Eddie that he doesn’t need to work a day in his life. Let ol’ Richie Tozier be his sugar daddy. It’s what the people want.

**Eddie:** I like my job, asshole. 

**Richie:** You can keep the suits. [Eyebrows waggling.]

**Eddie:** [puts a hand on Richie’s cheek before slapping it lightly] _No._ Quit while you’re ahead, Tozier.

**Richie:** Noted. [He leans over to kiss Eddie out of frame. The camera cuts.]

[The next shot is of Beverly Marsh, famed fashion designer, sitting with her legs beneath her on an emerald green velvet couch in her studio. She has a glass of champagne in one hand and is in the middle of wiping away tears from her eyes, still laughing.]

**Richie:** Since no one will know _who_ this is…

**Bev:** Rich—

**Richie:** Beverly Marsh! Bevvie is an indie fashion designer. No one knows her stuff. I’m helping her get discovered. It’s the charity I like to do. Make people feel special. 

**Bev:** Oh shut up!

[Bev reaches her hand out for the camera and turns the lens on Richie, who is standing on a pedestal in front of three angled mirrors. He’s dressed in a Bev Marsh original, suit perfectly tailored to fit him. He is swishing back and forth, acting more like a kid playing dress up than a man in a forty thousand dollar suit.]

**Bev:** Tell the folks at home what the hell you’re doing here! And looking so hot!

**Richie:** [blushing] Down girl!

**Bev:** That suit was _made_ for you! 

**Richie:** Well that is sort of the point…

**Bev:** Do a little runway show for us, Rich! [The camera jostles as Bev leans over to press play on her stereo. _Cover Girl_ by New Kids on the Block starts playing over the built in speakers in her studio.]

**Richie:** [laughing] Why do you have _that song_ queued up?! 

**Bev:** C’mon, Richie! Do a little twirl for us! 

[Richie hops off the pedestal and starts strutting down the hall to the beat. He twirls at the end of his runway and strikes a pose. Bev _whoops_ behind the camera. Richie takes off his suit jacket and tosses it over one shoulder, exaggerating his shoulder movements on his strut back. He _vogues_ all the way back to Beverly, turning when he gets there to back up into the camera.]

**Richie:** But how does my ass look in the suit, Bev? [Beverly yelps and the camera turns off.]

[The next shot is Richie asleep on the couch, glasses still on. One hand is throw over his head and the other is on his stomach. Darla is asleep on his chest, but stirs when she hears someone in the room.]

**Eddie:** [behind the camera] Can’t forget to capture nap time. I just got home, it’s a quarter after five and he’s asleep. This happens all the time. [He approaches Richie and reaches out a hand to lift Darla off his chest. He reaches out a hand and runs his fingers through Richie’s hair. Richie grunts and squeezes his eyes shut.] 

**Richie:** [mumbling] ‘ive more min’s.

**Eddie:** Wake up, old man. [Richie’s eyes squint open and then widen immediately.] 

**Richie:** Hey! You’re filming this?! [Darla barks.] 

**Eddie:** It’s a day in the life and since this happens pretty regularly…

**Richie:** Not true! 

**Eddie:** Oh, _so_ true! 

**Richie:** [pouts, reaching his hands out] Come here!

**Eddie:** I have to change.

**Richie:** [whining] No!

**Eddie:** [laughing] Richie…

[The camera angle jostles as the two fight for control. Bickering back and forth as they wrestle.. Darla continues to bark excitedly in the background. Eventually it refocuses with Eddie pressed against Richie’s side. He’s still in his suit, but his jacket is gone and tie is loosened. His head is on Richie’s chest and he scrunches his nose up at the camera. Richie pans to show himself in the same shot.]

**Richie:** [triumphant, grinning] I won. [Eddie grunts.] 

[The next shot is at a restaurant. The camera pans around the table to familiar faces like Bev Marsh, Bill Denbrough, and Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie introduces the rest of the company in a stage whisper behind the camera.]

**Richie:** Staniel the Maniel and his wife Patty-cakes. That’s Mikey. Oh and Ben ‘Hot Stuff’ Marsh. I’m assuming he took Bev’s last name… 

**Stan:** Don’t I have to give my consent to be filmed?

**Richie:** Uh, no Stan. No waivers here. I’m just stealing your overall likeness. 

**Stan:** [drinking a sip of his cocktail] Greaaaat.

**Eddie:** [leans into Richie’s shot] Gimme that! 

[The camera angle changes to face Richie. Bev is clinking her glass and Eddie stands up. The camera changes hands again as Stan films Eddie’s toast.]

**Eddie:** First off, thanks for coming. People can’t know that Richie’s life is that boring that he sits on the couch masturbating everyday. [Richie chokes and the rest of the group laughs.] Still can’t believe that this motherfucker convinced anyone to listen to him, let alone pay to listen to his bad jokes. I mean, did anyone see this coming? [Everyone laughs and shakes their heads. Richie grabs Eddie’s arm and tugs at him to sit down.] Nope, not done. 

**Richie:** Have mercy! Hey, whoever is editing this? Yeah, you! Cut this part.

**Eddie:** [talking over him] I mean all the _my mom_ jokes. How many different ways can you insinuate that you’re fucking someone’s mom? [more laughter] In all seriousness, we all love him and I think I speak for everyone when I say I am so fucking proud of you, man. [His hand reaches out and grips Richie’s shoulder, squeezing.] You say all the time how lucky you are, but, Rich, we’re the lucky ones. 

**Richie:** [choked up] Are you drunk right now?

**Eddie:** I love you, you idiot. 

**Richie:** [crying] Definitely drunk. [He stands up and pulls Eddie into a tight embrace. Everyone cheers around them, clinking glasses and laughing. Richie has his face buried in Eddie’s neck, still crying.] I love you so much. 

**Eddie:** [laughing] I love you, too, you moron. 

**Richie:** [pulling back and wiping his tears with his shirt sleeve. He notices the camera on and laughs.] Stan, turn that fucking thing off! 

**Stan:** Just trying to get your _likeness_. 

**Richie:** Oh fuck—

**Stan:** Exposed! The trashmouth has a heart! He cries like this all the time. 

**Richie:** Do not— 

[The camera turns off. A black screen appears with white text, reminding people to add the comedy special to their watch list on Netflix with the release date. The video ends.]

**Author's Note:**

> Did you likey? I'm a sucker for this Richie Tozier is famous fics.
> 
> FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR @HADERSZ


End file.
